Showing posts with label Inner Strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inner Strength. Show all posts

Monday, 16 March 2020

The Invisible Man

Monday 16th  March 2020 – The Invisible Man (A Survivor’s Inner Strength)
06.30.

I’m Not feeling particularly well. I’m having difficulty communicating, my speech is slurred & I cannot find the words I need. I’m feeling numb down the right side of my body. The numbness spreads from my head to my toes. I lost my balance a short while ago and fell, banging my head, but with no visible sign of injury I’m not going to worry about it. I made it to the toilet and back without getting caught short, a victory in itself. 
I’m back in bed now but will get out of bed again soon. 
I’ve no visible injuries apart from a large scar to my scalp from neurosurgery but not all disabilities are visible or fit into a tick box. 
I can neither make myself, nor my circumstances nor my disability disappear. 
My mindset is positive and determined. 
My name is David Di Palma, I’m a Brain Injury Survivor and Proud. 
More diaries about survival coming soon in my new book…. 
David J. Di Palma – Surviving One Day at a Time.  
click me to discover more
Expressing the personal views of David Di Palma unless stated otherwise.

Abuse - I’ll probably be better off dead.

Monday 16th  March 2020 - 0200 (Contains content some may find distressing)
Abuse - Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead.

The time is 0200. My head hurts, it’s excruciatingly painful. The pain caused by another episode of illness. It’s worse at night. No one is around to support at night. I don’t know if I’ve had a seizure but the searing heat located in the right temple and the agonising pain sends my memory back to the time when my father would repeatedly strike me around the head with his hands. Just one of many ways he would hurt me. This incident is being recorded on my digital voice recorder. I’ll play it back later and type the notes up from the recordings as I often do. I don’t know what I did to deserve the frequent hurt and beatings my father used to inflict upon me, I haven’t got any children but I know if I did I wouldn’t hit them. My bed is wet, I don’t know if that’s perspiration or I’ve passed urine. According to my father I was a worthless, useless, person who would never amount to anything. That’s all he ever told me. He was probably right. What use am I to anyone? I try to convince myself that I’m useful. Parishioners nominated, selected and voted for me in the local elections after all. Hence why I won more votes than the former Braunstone Town Mayor. My dogs love me (I think) but dogs love anyone who takes care of them. It wouldn’t matter to my family if I were dead. I very rarely hear from family unless they want something. Of course they had me labelled as a troublesome person out to cause mischief but none thought that I was having difficulty expressing myself and trusting people because some vile people closest to me were actually abusing me in the most horrific ways. So horrific that I was forced to be silent about it because I was repeatedly told that my mother and sisters would get hurt if I told anyone about it. I protected my family from the truth for over forty years. But no more. I’ve gone through counselling, I’ve spoken to some of my family about the abuse, the ones that would speak, most are in denial but the ones that have had a brief conversation with me have told me that they witnessed certain events going on, but yet did nothing to stop it! I’m crying now. For over forty years I thought I was protecting family from the truth, but, for over forty years they knew about some of what was going on? The question is… How much did they know and what type of abuse did they know about? 
Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. I certainly used to think that when my father was alive. 
Well, soon the whole world will know the truth. 
I’m holding nothing back anymore, there’s no need to.
My new book will reveal all.
Coming Soon….
David J. Di Palma – Surviving One Day at a Time.  
visit our website for more information

Expressing the personal views of David Di Palma unless stated otherwise.

Long time no hear

It has been a long time since we last posted but it has been a very busy few months in respect of supporting the communities of Braunstone T...